waaaaaay more together than i give myself credit for.
whew-wee, do i ever.
i met a mom of 15 month-old twin boys at the park today who changed my life. why? because she helped me realized i'm doing pretty good as a mom of multiples! (being a little dramatic, maybe? well, it's okay. it's just a blog.)
i don't know why it took meeting her for me to realize this, especially since everyone tells me i handle twins well, but man did i sure need it. she was talking to me about all the things that stress her out, or the things she can't do with twins (and another, older child), or how hard this or that is.
now, don't get me wrong, kids (multiples or not) are HARD. and i am NOT claiming to be perfect. of course i could improve in many aspects of being a mother...
but as i sat there listening to her talk about her stresses/hardships, i kept thinking about my twins and realized "well, that's not so bad," or "i do that by myself and it seems to work out okay," or "i started doing that on my own a while ago," etc., etc.
so today, i give myself a pat on the back. and i feel pretty darn good about it!
along these same lines, my mother-in-law has mentioned lately how she's surprised by how well i handle things with my kiddos. those of you that know me well know that i can be a
little OCD, but having twins has helped me to reeeeeeeeally overcome that - at least in some aspects of my life. things the twins do that you'd think would bother me, i'm completely a-okay with. i suppose it's a forced over-coming, but a necessary one, too. i don't have time to sweat the little things with two toddlers tearing my house apart. i just make sure they don't put anything in their mouth they shouldn't, i baby-proofed the appropriate stuff, and i let the rest go.
filthy clothes from crawling around in the bark at the park? no biggie.
everything pulled out of drawers and cupboards in my house? at least the kiddos are happy and exploring.
milk or juice on the ground from a leaky sippy cup? it'll clean up.
unrolling and tearing the entire roll paper towels? a great excuse to use them to clean the windows.
board books bitten to shreds? at least the kids are learning to love books.
etc. etc.
we're still alive and that's all that matters!
i want to end by sharing a "story" i read on a friend's blog. she got the story from facebook. i loved it. maybe that's why today was so momentous for me; i had this story in the back of my mind.
Sometimes I think Facebook is the worst thing to have
happened to a mom. Well, Facebook and smart phones.
Think about it. Because of these two inventions, you can now
get a look at the life of every mom you call "friend." AND it's all
delivered instantly right to your phone. Now moms have a front-row seat to all
the cookie-baking and paint projects and plenty of time to judge their own
mothering skills against such. We see the handmade paper chains decorating the
Christmas tree across town, and suddenly our own Target ornaments seem way too
trite. The next thing you know, we're freaked out that our own kids are going
to become resentful of the handmade-ornament kids, join a ornament-hating gang,
rob a Hallmark store and end up in jail serving 5 to 10. So Target mom says to
ornament mom, "Why can't you just take it down a notch????"
But it goes the other way, too. Ornament mom looks at Target
mom with raised eyebrow and says, "Can't you up your game just a
bit?"
Ouch. How did we get here? Facebook? Smart phones? Maybe.
Before our lives became so easily promoted and quickly
communicated, we were all in our homes doing our own thing. Coloring ornaments
or opening a box. Baking cookies or opening a box. Doing life handmade or
opening a box. And nobody knew, and really nobody cared. Because we were all
making it work best way we knew how. Our kids were loved, and that was all that
mattered.
Until we saw the way SHE was doing it. In color Instagram
photos splashed across her timeline. And suddenly, what was right for us became
less than. Or what was right for us became right for everyone. So our days
become full of self-deprecating or self-righteous status updates as we search
for some sort of validation -- something, ANYTHING -- to let us know we're
doing ok.
Wait -- maybe that's it. Maybe I have it wrong. Could it be
that social media and technology have just given voice to what we mommas have
wondered all along --- am I a good enough??? Well, I'm here to tell you the
answer to that question. Yes, you are. You're a good mom. Better, you're a
rockstar mom.
How do I know? Because I know you.
Yes, you.
The one who feels guilty for going through the drive-thru
for the third time this week. And you, the one who makes sure there are
vegetables at every meal. And you, the one who buys birthday treats at the
grocery store on the way to school. And you, the one who stays up literally all
night decorating birthday cookies. You for whom the words "art
project" mean markers (on a good day) and a coloring book. And you, the
Pinterest addict whose kids are always covered in paint.
You are an amazing mother.
You're crafty. You hate playdough. You serve chicken
nuggets. You raise chickens. You read every food label. You serve artificially
flavored and colored cereal for breakfast. You homeschool. You public school.
You have spotless floors. You are trying even now to remember the last time you
mopped. You work. You stay at home. You make beds. You make messes. You turn on
Dora. You don't own a television. You make stuff. You buy stuff.
You live in big houses and little house with lots of kids or
one kid with dogs and cats and wooden toys and noisy toys and candy and fruit,
and you drive mini vans and SUVs while wearing snot-stained sweats or wedge
heels and you do it absolutely beautifully, and your children adore you because
you were made to be their mom.
Yes, you. No one can do this thing better than you. Fight
for that. Contend for it. Remember it on your worst days and your best days.
And when you see HER doing her thing, high-five her. Thumbs-up her. (Because,
trust me, she needs that today.) And when you give her props, do it without losing
yourself. Without doubting yourself.
No one can do this better than you. No one.
So go ahead and post your picture of your kids eating
hand-ground, organic beef burgers. And you post yours of your kids opening
their Happy Meals. And I pledge to look (with non-judgmental eyes) beyond the
food to see the sweet, little face in the background.
And I promise I will smile and think, "That kid has an
awesome mom."
-Jai Wallace Tracy
