christmastime is here

I want to start this post by thanking everyone for their love and support during this time. I told Tyler today that we are so loved! It's true. We really appreciated everything that all of you have done for us.

It's been almost two weeks since I delivered Brynnley. My physical recovery (the details of which I will spare you) has gone really well. The emotional recovery is still on-going, but has gotten easier with time. We were told that the emotional recovery would be up and down, so we're preparing for and expecting that.

We haven't officially heard from the doctors, but from talking to people and the little bit of research we've done, it's sounding more and more like Brynnley had a trisomy. I don't know which she had (if it was a trisomy), but I'm curious to learn from the doctors what happened in Brynnley's case. When I was in the hospital, the nurse took (almost literally - haha) a gallon of my blood for tons of blood tests. An autopsy of Brynnley and the placenta are also being performed. We're hoping that between all of these tests, we'll be able to determine if it's a genetic trait and if it's likely to happen again. We'll keep you updated.

In the meantime, Tyler and I have been preparing for Christmas! Here is our Christmas tree. I wanted to wait until we had all of our Christmas presents under it, but decided I couldn't wait that long. (Still waiting for a few orders from amazon.com...)
(Let's forget that the strand of lights at the top doesn't work. Let's also forget that I took off a previous strand of lights that also didn't work and put the second, nonworking lights on. Let me clarify that we checked BOTH strands before putting them on the tree, and they worked. For some reason they don't work ON the tree. I loathe putting Christmas lights on and gave up after the second attempt.)

This is the ornament we bought for Brynnley, to remember her by at Christmastime:

And this is the Jim Shore nativity I got last year for Christmas. I love it! (In the background are some of the flowers that we've been given over the last week and a half.)

I'm so thankful for this time of year - to reflect on our Savior's birth. I'm grateful for His teachings and for His gospel in my life. His resurrection and the knowledge of eternal families has helped us through this difficult time.

I also love spending time with friends and family. My sister is coming to Utah from Oklahoma (with her husband, of course,) and I'm so excited!

And...let's be honest. I love shopping. That part is fun, too.

Merry Christmas!

:)

come what may and love it

We lost our little girl.

When Tyler and I went back to the MFM for our one-week follow up, the baby had no heart beat (as well as practically no amniotic fluid). Because of how far along I was (21 weeks), I had to deliver the baby, which I did yesterday.

Upon delivery, it was immediately clear why she didn't make it. My OB-Gyn suspects that she had a chromosomal (yet not genetic) defect/syndrome. Her ears were low on her head, which is one indication of a syndrome. She also had a tear in her stomach and her intestines were on the outside of her body. I guess that some full-term babies are born with this problem, but the problem occurs later in pregnancy and can be corrected with surgery after birth.

In addition to her abnormalities, the placenta had calcified and hardened. My OB-Gyn explained that when this happens, the placenta is no longer able to support the baby. It was also evident that she had been gone for a few days; I guess the longer they're gone, the more fragile they become, and she was quite fragile. Because we heard a heart beat at our first meeting with the MFM, it's clear that she died sometime between that appointment and the next.

She was also very small. I delivered her at 21 weeks and 2 days, but she was measuring at 17 weeks - a clear sign that something had gone wrong in her development and she wouldn't have made it.

We named her Brynnley Wilke Jeffs. We have a small box of mementos to remember her by (hand and feet molds, hand and feet ink prints, etc.), for which I am very grateful.

We're also grateful for everyone's love, support, prayers, and fasts on our behalf. We can't begin to express our love to all of you. We look forward to meeting Brynnley on the other side of the veil.

small update

I heard back from my OB-Gyn's office this morning. The results of my blood test are negative! I don't have an infection, according to the tests they ran. This is good news! We still have to tackle the other problems our baby may be having (low amniotic fluid, small, etc.), but at least it's not an infection!

:)

MFM

or perinatologist, if you will.

Tyler and I had an appointment with an MFM yesterday. I had my 20 week ultrasound at my OB-Gyn's office on Tuesday. The ultrasound tech who saw me was concerned about my amniotic fluid level (it was low) and referred me to an MFM to make sure that everything was okay.

As it turns out, we have no idea if things are going to be okay. The doctor suspects that I might have a viral infection (CMV, to be exact) that could also be affecting the baby. He told us that her organs look okay, but she is on the smaller side, she doesn't move a lot, and there isn't much fluid around her - all signs of an infection. He recommended I get blood work done to see if I have an infection and we'll go from there. If I do have signs of an infection, we'll next test amniotic fluid to see if the baby is affected, too. If she is infected, there's really not much we can do aside from wait. The MFM said that there are experimental treatments, but that they are experimental and they may be limited.

Prognosis, you wonder? There really isn't one. There are a wide range of things that could happen with the baby, according to the MFM. The baby could be fine and deliver around her due date with minimal complications. On the other hand, she could be stillborn or born with defects, of which type we don't know.

That's the most frustrating part of this situation - we have no idea what will happen until something happens - either a stillbirth or when she's born. We can't be told exactly what to do or expect. We simply have to wait.

One thing that has been positive (for me, at least,) is knowing that I didn't do anything to cause this, nor could I have done anything to prevent it. It just happened. It's out of my hands.

Now we just have to wait...

I had my blood drawn yesterday for a torch titer test. We were told that the test would take 1-2 days before we get the results back. I have an appointment with the MFM next Wednesday to see if fluid levels around the baby have increased. I'll have an appointment a week after that to see if she's grown any bigger.

Please keep us in your prayers as we anxiously wait to find out what's going on.

:)

18.5 weeks

Lucky me! I got to christen my father-in-law's new camera...I am the first picture he took with it. It's a beauty, too.

And this is for you, Karen. Pictures of my 18.5 week belly.

Tyler and I go in on Tuesday for my 20 week ultrasound. Hopefully everything is a-okay with our little girl!

:)

17 weeks

in my defense, part of this "baby" is a food baby. i had just eaten a lot. haha. also, i find that i'm bigger at the end of the day than when i woke up. is that normal?

it's a GIRL!!

surprise!

tyler and i were shocked to find out that our baby "boy" is actually a baby girl!! everyone (including ourselves) thought we were having a boy. not so! we went to the obgyn at 16 weeks to find out what our little babe is. i couldn't stand knowing that i could know but didn't know, ya know? so we forked out the extra $50 to meet our little girl at 16 weeks instead of 20.

here are some pictures of her (click to enlarge):

10 week picture
16 weeks
her foot

and, drum roll please...
the last picture is of our little girl exposing herself. thank goodness she finally did! the first time we tried to determine the gender, our little one was all curled up - legs crossed, arms around her head. we didn't get a picture of it, but we have it on our dvd. with a little jiggling and some food, she finally opened up and we got to see "her."

suggestions for names appreciated!

:)